Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
