Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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