Where did you get a picture of my penis
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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