apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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