I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
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