i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
