and she was petting her beer can
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize
