That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Randomize
