i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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