I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
