alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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