ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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