oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
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