is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
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