i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
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