I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
