He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
