Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
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