I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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