Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
