I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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