ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
