I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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