let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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