I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Enjoy the penises
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
