I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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