I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
