I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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