the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
