I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
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