piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
