cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
