I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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