Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
