Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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