Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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