How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
