This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
