You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize