I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Randomize
