I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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