hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
