I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize