I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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