dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
