DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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