yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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