Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
