in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Randomize
