Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
