Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Randomize
