At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
