Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
