I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
