No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
They took my balls.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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