dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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