VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
