i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
You ever have a fart follow you around?
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