he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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