No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
