i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
