my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
