I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize