A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
