Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Randomize
