We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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