i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
