I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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