I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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